By Jalessa Escott
I just recently reached a point in my life where I realized that so many of the ideals I held so tightly to were either generational, meaning I got them from my parents, or based on pure ignorance of the time. Life has been difficult lately for me because I now get the opportunity to build a life of my own design. The only problem with that is that this newfound freedom doesn't come with structured rules or guidance. It’s simply my own actions and thoughts to lead myself, and that is scary to someone who is very fond of achieving by simply doing as instructed. I never had to risk it all before.
I don’t know what I’m doing or how any of this will turn out. However, I do know that this life is mine. This is the first time I have ever truly belonged to myself, and that means something. So, I may get things wrong, and I am bound to fail again and again. But that's what living is, right? It's the story of how we piece together the highs and lows to create one incredible adventure. I may not be sure of all my choices, but I am sure of one thing. I don’t want to waste my story. I don’t want to keep moving so fast that I can only see my memories through blurred vision. I want to take my time and allow my life to flow as it should.
I want to live like water. The way water can flow from place to place, serving its purpose and never losing its true identity. The way water can heal, bring life, and create. I want to fashion myself after something ethereal and God-made such as that. I want to think back over my years and be proud of how the mundane was really quite incredible. I want to be proud of myself and love my life in every aspect. I know things will not always work out the way I desire them to, but I would feel much better knowing I didn’t just allow things to happen to me.
It will probably be painful, but I have faith that there will also be times of insurmountable joy. I know that there will be times when I feel lonely, but it will only intensify the love I feel when good people surround me. There will be days when I will ask myself why I am doing any of this, and I know that the day will come when I look back and think to myself how it was all worth it. There’s good pain and bad pain. Good pain is called growing pains. The pain that helps the caterpillar turn into a butterfly. The same pain that pushed Van Gogh to create A Starry Night. The type of pain that spills over into beauty. Pain that cracks open our hearts to let in and out the light. Pain that may cause calluses, cuts, and bruises, but when everything is said and done. It just becomes a testament to the beautiful life you’ve built.
Jaleesa W. Escott, is an artist from Birmingham, Alabama. Among writing poetry, Jaleesa has also written stage and directed plays and is working on publishing a book of poetry this year
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